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Attention Poets ! !

Tired of immortalizing your           Frustrated Poet
trips to the local A&P?

Milked that last drop of sonorous melancholy from your hemorrhoids? Reduced to scrounging from the public-domain angst of 20th Century Man in a Foundering Society?

Let us put the tragedy back in your life.

We'll help you write that searing dead father poem. We'll let you glimpse that Wild Poetic Vision of Doom through an alcoholic haze. Remember! You won't get far on a literary venture without a well-equipped despair. We offer a full range of soul-deepening services:

Parents Terminated: Wide range of "accidents" available (extra charge for slow, lingering "illness")
Addictions Formed: Special Offer! Get the first month's supply Free!
Spouses Rendered Faithless: Discounts available if they're good in bed
Careers Derailed: Ask about our Real Poets Don't Work program

Have your emotions shaped the professional way. Eliminate that embarrassing optimism. All work is guaranteed to ruin your life and save your writing. Friends and critics will thrill at your new-found profundity.

As a bonus, we'll plunge you into abject poverty.

Send blank check and your house keys to:

Life Editing Services
English Department
U. of Askedforett
Askedforett, VA
Woeful Poet
 
         

Contact Robert Kendall at
kendall@wordcircuits.com
           
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